Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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