Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
