is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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