party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
