I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
