Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My penis needs a shock collar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You ruined the universe
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
