gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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