I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
