Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
