and you said cock pushups were impossible
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
