A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
