Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sober January is a disaster.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
