So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
