tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
