On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
