I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
