Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
