god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
