who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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