got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
