You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I AM VODKA MAN
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
