About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
