did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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