I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
