I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
