the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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