Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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