Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
