who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize