oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
