Where is the hickey?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
