im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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