hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
