it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
