he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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