I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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