i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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