All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
