dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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