you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
