Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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