Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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