Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
