Whod you bang
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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