U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
