Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
