Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
