no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
