Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
