just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
