remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
