My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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