Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
