Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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