I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
