it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
