We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
