Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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