Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
