If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
