Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
