I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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