I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
